I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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