I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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