Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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