he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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