I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
