I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
