god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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