she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
