If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
