so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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