i barfeds in our rink
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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