If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
