I hate your face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
