I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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