I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
