cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
