Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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