i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
