Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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