i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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