I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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