whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
