well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
