I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
