Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
