I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
