Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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