Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
