I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
