Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
