my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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