gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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