fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
