Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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