But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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