I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
