oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
