His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
