forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
