If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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