i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
