Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
