tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
