Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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