why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This house was built for laser tag.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
