Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
