I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
