you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
