with your own penis?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
