im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's just like the Real World with babies
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
