yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
