remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
