shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
