Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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