You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
