margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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