ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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