I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im holly from the hills drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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