I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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