Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
