i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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