im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
