I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
