i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
