I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
