trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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