he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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