the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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