dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
