my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
