Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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