Umm I'm too high to move.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
