smell my finger.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
