nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
